I had a "heated debate" with Someone the other day. It wasn’t pretty. Shots were fired, we exchanged words, and at some point, Someone challenged the name of my Substack hinting that it comes off as “a little self-deprecating.” Ouch.
We have since apologized and recovered. But the point is, it made me step back and (over)think a bit. Am I being self-deprecating by creating a blog called "Honestly, I'm the Problem?" Did I just expose my inner trauma for others to point and laugh at?!
As I recovered from my fear of humiliation... I realized that Someone was wrong.
”Honestly, I'm the problem” was birthed from a realization I had one day rehashing my old "woe-is-me" story for the millionth time. I looked in the mirror and had a life-altering epiphany.
“Tania, you can’t blame everyone and everything else anymore. For a time, it served you to tell that story when you needed to get that weight off your chest. It was a season when being heard and understood was what you craved most. But that time has passed, and that season is over. That old story is no longer serving you."
I had to admit it to myself. “It's me, I’m the problem. I’m the one sabotaging myself, stuck in habits and overplayed narratives that are holding me back.”
The mirror doesn’t lie.
(Unless you are talking about aging - which I am NOT ready to accept.)
But I digress.
Facing yourself is not easy. I know. Every objection will come.
“But you don’t understannnddd….back in 1992”….*insert old story again.*
It’s time to Let It Go.
(I would put an Elsa meme here, but I think you get the point)
Owning your sh*t (sorry mom) is THE most powerful and transformative step you can take in your life. Why? Because if you are the problem, then you have the power to change it. If you’re not—if the devil, the spouse, the circumstances, the finances are the problem—then you remain the victim. A bystander with no control to create the very changes you have been crying out to God for so long: "God, help me. Fix this!!" The whole time He’s waiting for you to move your feet.
Let's take it the Bible shall we?
When you think about the classic story of David in the Bible. He faced Goliath not by asking God to do the impossible without action on his part, but by stepping up and using the skills and resources he had:
"So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand, he struck down the Philistine and killed him" (1 Samuel 17:50).
He didn’t say “If I had the kinda sword Goliath had then I would…”
(i.e) If I had the kinda money, kinda time, kinda spouse…then I would…
He used what he had!
Or think of the Prodigal Son, who only began to turn his life around when he acknowledged his own mistakes and decided to return home:
"So he got up and went to his father" (Luke 15:20).
God didn’t drag him back; he had to make the first move.
Y’all, sit with that for a sec.
Now, don’t get me wrong, this doesn't mean other people don't have to be held accountable or that bad things didn't happen. It doesn't mean the unfair circumstances you faced aren't valid or that your feelings and story are unworthy of acknowledgment. It simply means recognizing that the power to heal and change your narrative lies within you.
Healing is not linear, but the only way to move through it is to move forward. You don’t have to run, leap, skip or hop. But you do have to take a step. By taking responsibility and acknowledging your role in your own life, you reclaim your power. You are no longer at the mercy of external factors.
My Parting Words: Because Someone needs to hear this:
Your fear, your resentment, and your unwillingness to let go are keeping you stuck.
Perfectionism, people-pleasing, and self-sabotage are all fear in disguise.
It is the fear of being wrong, the fear of being disliked, and the fear of being seen.
(Put those three in a cocktail - and put it on my tab because baby whew. I'm still working on this one!)Most importantly - You are no longer a victim of the story you feel stuck in. You are the main character. And you are fully capable of creating the life you desire.
Championing you always,
Tania Someone Simone
;-)
“Someone” needs to mind her own business, but she’s stubborn. 🙋🏾♀️